you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
