I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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