i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
