You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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