I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
