it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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