but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
