i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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