Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
