I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
