Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
