Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
