Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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