This is not my ceiling
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
