dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
