i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
