Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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