Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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