By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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