looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
