hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
