Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
