I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
