I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
You ate ashes out of my bong
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
