Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
