Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
