He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
