I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
