Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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