I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
