I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
