A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
