phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I supernannyed him into submission
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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