Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
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