so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
