if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
