checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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