He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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