That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
