I'm really into asian looking animals
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize