you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
