we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
