you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
