Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
