She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
