Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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