VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize