Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
