living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
