It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
