my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
this hospital has no fireball
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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