it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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