you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
