ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
