you guys were way drunker than both of me
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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