You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
