I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
