How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
