at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
