i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
