I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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