she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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