The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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