all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
