so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
