I skipped work to stalk him.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Fuck appropriateness.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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