So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
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