Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
