i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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