Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
my sisters under your porch take her home
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
