i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
