Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
There's always time for handjobs
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
