ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Randomize
