you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
