fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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