Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize