i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
