i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
