Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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