I am puke
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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