I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
