Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
