So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
