he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
