I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
