You're so nebulous sometimes
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
