um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
