That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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