Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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