It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
