she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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